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1-12 |
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Euelpides
[1]
Do you bid me go straight, where the tree appears?
Peithetairus
Split you! And this bird on the other hand croaks for us to go back.
To think that I obeying a raven, wretched man, should compass more than a
thousand stadia of travel!
Euelpides
And to think that I obeying a jackdaw, ill-fated man, should have
walked the nails off my toes!
Peithetairus
But I no longer know even where on earth we are.
Euelpides
Truly a shameful thing he has done to us both, he of the
bird-market, who maintained that these two would point out to us Tereus; but
they know nothing except how to bite. And now what are you gaping at? Is it
over the rocks whither you yet will lead us? For there is not any road here.
Xanthias
[1]
Master, am I to say one of the usual things that the spectators always
laugh at?
Dionysus
By Heaven, yes, say what you like, except "I'm hard pressed".
Be on your guard against this; for it is already utterly disgusting.
Xanthias
Am I not even to make some other smart remark?
Dionysus
Yes, except "How tight-squeezed I am!".
Xanthias
Well then? Am I to describe the height of fun?
Dionysus
By Heaven, yes, with confidence; only take care that you don't say
the following -
Xanthias
What?
Dionysus
[Saying] as you change over your carrying-pole that you want to
ease yourself.
Xanthias
Not even that I’ll burst out from carrying such a load upon
myself, unless someone takes it down?
Dionysus
Please don't, I beg you ... at any rate only whenever I'm going to
throw up.
Xanthias
Why then did I have to carry this baggage, if I am to do none of
the things which Phrynichus, Lycis and Ameipsias are accustomed to do, each
time they carry baggage in comedy?
Dionysus
Do not do so now! Whenever I'm a spectator and I chance to see one
of these wise-cracks, I leave feeling more than a year older.
Xanthias
Oh thrice unfortunate, then, this shoulder here, that it is
pinched indeed but cannot crack a joke.
Dionysus
Now is this not outrage and utter conceit, that I, being Dionysus,
son of Winejug, should myself be walking and toiling, while letting this fellow
ride, so that he might feel no pain or bear no burden?
Xanthias
You mean to say I’m not carrying?
Dionysus
Yes I do, because how can you be carrying, when you certainly are
being carried?
Xanthias
Yes, but still carrying all this!
Dionysus
In what way?
Xanthias
Very hardly.
Dionysus
Is it not a donkey that is carrying this burden which you are
carrying?
Xanthias
Certainly not what I’m holding and carrying, at any rate, by Zeus
no!
Dionysus
I mean, how can you be carrying, when you yourself are being
carried by another?
Xanthias
I know not, but this shoulder here is [sure] hard pressed.
Dionysus
All right then, since you say that the donkey isn’t helping you,
in turn you take up the donkey and carry it yourself.
Xanthias
Unhappy wretch! for why wasn’t I in the sea-fight? Then, let me
tell you, I would have bid you howl aloud! [ie ‘would have given you my worst
wishes.’]
Dionysus
Get down, scoundrel! You see, now I’m marching up to this door
here, where it was my duty first to make a turn. Lad! boy! I say, boy!
Heracles
[38]
Who knocked at the door? How like a Centaur he drove against it, whoever
... tell me, what was the idea of this?
Dionysus
Boy!
Xanthias
What is it?
Dionysus
Did you not observe?
Xanthias
What exactly?
Dionysus
How absolutely terrified he was of me.
Xanthias
Yes, terrified you were out of your mind!
Heracles
By Demeter I cannot help laughing. Even though I bite myself [my
lips]; but still I laugh.
Dionysus
Oh dear! Come here, for I need to ask you a favour.
Heracles
But I cannot squelch my laughter, seeing a lion’s skin lying on
top of a yellow boot. What’s the meaning of it? How is it that the buskin and
the club have joined forces? Where in the world were you off to?
Dionysus
I was serving [as a marine] under Cleisthenes.
Heracles
And you were at the naval battle?
Dionysus
Yes, and we sank some twelve or thirteen ships of the enemy.